You used to say I was beautiful…
That I was strong and exuded incontestable grace
You used to love all the scars of my heart
And all the other things that made me ugly
You whispered incessantly
“You’re all the woman I’ll ever NEED”
You filled my days with renewed hope
and gave me the strength to pick up my dusty jewels.
Your love enveloped my cold and darkened soul
Your encouragement was healing to my broken wings.
You cheered me on
You nursed my wounds…
and uplifted my dampened spirit.
As time went by,
I grew feathers on my wings
And with a flicker and a flick, my spirit was re-ignited.
And when my wings grew all the feathers it had lost,
I began to soar so high up in the sky.
Like an eagle I became strong
I became a queen.
I soared higher everyday…
with an unrelenting will to reach the sun
with an unrelenting will to be all the woman you’ll ever need.
But as I journeyed closer to the sun,
you told me I had become insufferable, too arrogant,
too much woman and you could not handle me anymore.
Your words began to scorch my back and gradually
I lost my zeal
I lost my purpose
And I came crashing down.
Now you began to yell incessantly
“Submit because all you are is a woman”
My wings broke again
And this time around my legs too.
My wings broke again
And this time around my heart too.
And when you realized I had become too helpless,
You began pointing out all my flaws,
all my imperfections with a nauseating look of horror on your face.
Your words cut deep!
Everyday I died a little inside
Everyday I cried a little more
Everyday I was hit with the reality…
that I had become a monster.
Too much woman
Too much monster
Too much of everything that made your bile boil and your stomach churn
Everyday I died
Everyday I darkened
My flame, My lustre,
Everything was wearing off and you had me bound in chains.
In my dilemma
I looked up to the sun.
It shone with so much light
It shone with so much might
And my broken heart began to race again
The sun looked down at me and asked
“Are you not the same eagle that flew yesterday with so much majesty?
Will you give up or will you fly with a new purpose?”
I bowed my head in shame…
at the helpless woman I had become.
But before the sun could set that day I had chosen the latter.
I wasn’t the problem
I wasn’t the monster
You just felt threatened by all the woman I can be.